her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
