This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
