paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
