this boner is exhausting
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I currently don't understand fingers.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
