someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
