Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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