I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
