how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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