woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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