Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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