After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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