She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize