but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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