I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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