just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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