sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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