Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize