bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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