Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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