Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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