Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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