I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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