He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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