my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
