no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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