Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
