He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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