none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
