Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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