1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
