So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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