I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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