How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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