You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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