We won't sleep together?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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