I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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