I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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