I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
