you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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