alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
