Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
