Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
