I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
