Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
