Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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