I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
