I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
