Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
...so i touched it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
