i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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