remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't make out with my wife yet
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
