his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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