Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
