What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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