just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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