i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
