i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
