the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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