you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
