I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
