i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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