cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
