I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
