dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
