I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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