Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
