I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
