These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
