He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize