conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
