is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
