No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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