There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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