ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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