Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
